Why 'Obliviate' Was Created
by seventhSINwrath
Summary: Nymphadora Tonks cooks...people run for the hills screaming, babies cry, Voldemort clings to his Harry Potter doll for protection, and Harry Potter cowers in fear. Warning:Slash. Crack. Not to be taken Sirius-Ly! Voldemort/Harry.


Why 'Obliviate' Was Created

Summery: Nymphadora Tonks cooks...............people run for the hills screaming, babies cry, Voldemort clings to his Harry Potter doll for protection, and Harry Potter cowers in fear.

Warning: Crack, Fluff, Slash, Femslash, Insanity. Implied: Voldemort/Harry.

A/N: Voldemort is back in his human body (Yum!....the smexy goodness!). Harry, Hermione, Ginny, Ron and the twins are in the order.

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. I am simply pimping him out....for free (and laughs).

^/w\^

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Why 'Obliviate' Was Created

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A tense silence hung in the air, many grim and horror filled faces turned to each other, each wondering if they were all going to die. Each wondering if this would be their last moments of freedom, their last moments with their loved ones.

Women cried silently, hugging their children protectively, and children out right screamed and bawled with terror. Grim faced men held their loved ones close, and for once Hermione Jane Granger, Ron Billius Weaselly, Ginevra Molly Weaselly, Frederik Gregory and Gregory Frederik Weaselly and Harry James Potter _didn't_ want to part of the order. Inwardly betraying themselves, they sat stiffly, wishing they had listened to Molly Rose Weaselly when she said they were to young to join the Order of the Phoenix.

Remus J. Lupin hung is head in shame....this was all his fault...why did he have to bring _that_ subject up again?

Sirius Regulus Black looked ready to jump off a cliff, as did many, though he sent his best friend and husband, Remus, an understanding look.

Harry looked around the room, eyes glistening with tears as he stood, gaining the attention of every one, including Dumbledore who had other wise sat their, staring off into space, his usually twinkling blue eyes dull with the realization that they were all doomed, that there was nothing he could do.

Nothing any one could do.

"Okay. This isn't it! We can still fight! We can still escape this fate! Don't just give in, think of the children! Think of the future!"

Harry cried out passionately, he wasn't going down with out a fight! He was meet with dull eyes filled with resignation.

"Fight for what? We're all doomed."

Ron asked, resignation obvious in his voice. Harry glared defiantly.

"C'mon, people. Are you just going to sit around and wait!? Are you going to _let _this happen?!

Harry barked before rounding on Mad Eyed Moody.

"Moody! I thought you were a war veteran! I thought you '_didn't know the meaning of fear_'. Tell me, who was the one who fought constantly against the Death Eaters...who put more of those bastards behind bars than men Bellatrix Lestrange has fucked!? Who was the one who told me '_you need balls to_ _fight a war, Potter, balls which ya ain't got. But I'm just the man to give 'em to ya'_!? Is the same man who said that to me cowering in fear now?! Will you admit defeat before your dead!?"

Harry barked to the man, who sat up straighter, glaring at him with his good eye while the other shriveled to attention.

"Like hell I will, Boy! I ain't lost 'till I'm six-foot-under and rotting!"

He roared. Nodding in satisfaction, Harry turned to Kingsley Shacklebolt, glaring at the tall dark man who sighed in dejection.

"Are you really Kingsley Shacklebolt!? _**The**_ Kingsley Dimitri Shacklebolt who defeated hoards of Death Eaters, single handedly, without a wand!? Is this the same Kingsley Dimitri Shacklebolt who stood in front of Voldemort with out flinching, and didn't relent to his torture, who made Aurora at age fourteen and captain at age fifteen!? Who captured Bellatrix Lestrange, Voldemort's right hand psychotic bitch!? Who made Department head at age twenty, youngest in _**ever**_?! Is that really you?!"

Harry demanded, glaring at the man who suddenly sat up straighter, looking determined. Pleased, Harry rounded on Sirius.

"And _you_, here I thought you were supposed to be _the __**Sirius Regulus Black**_, Marauder Sex-God, only living Heir to the Noble House of Black, _Hogwart's prankster master and Aurora prodigy_!? Will you cower in fear!? Will you?! Didn't you tell me you feared nothing!? Are you going to run away with your _tail between your legs _like a _frightened kitten_!? Will you leave your husband and godson suffer!?"

He snapped, glaring at the ebony-haired male with smoldering emerald eyes. Sirius blinked slowly, taking a quick look at Remus before looking back at Harry defiantly, sitting up straighter with his trade mark cocky smirk forming on his lips.

"And _**you**_!"

Harry barked, rounding on Remus.

"You're a _fucking werewolf_, aren't you, Remus J. Lupin! Use that fucking strength! Here I thought you were a _Gryfindor_! Here I thought you were _brave_, but instead you cower with your tail between your legs while your mate and cub lie in danger! Well!? Are you going to just sit there?!"

He ranted fiercely. Remus growled, a determined look entering his once dull golden eyes as he squeezed his mate's hand protectively, inwardly promising to protect his pack with his life.

"And _dammit_ Severus Tobias Snape! Who are you, _Peter fucking Pettigrew!? _Grow some damn fucking balls! Don't just sit there and _accept_ it all! I thought you were a _Slytherin! _You know, _intelligent and cunning_! Will you just roll over and take it!?

Harry snapped out, glaring at the Potions Master who glared back with suddenly livid onyx eyes. Feeling himself being motivated by his speeches, he turned to Dumbledore.

"Albus Percival Wulfric Brian _Dumbledore!?"_

Harry hissed, dark emerald eyes smoldering into Dumbledore, who flinched slightly at the dark look.

"Why the fuck are you sitting around, sulking!? I thought you were supposed to be _**the** Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore_, defeater of one of the most dark Dark Lords, winner of the first class of Merlin, the bloody bastard who found twelve, count them, twelve uses for Dragon's Blood, the only person who Voldemort fears! What the fuck are you sitting around, sulking!? Stand the fuck up and do something! That goes for you too--------!"

Harry snapped, turning from Dumbledore--who frowned in thought, nodding at Harry's words and clenching his fists around his wand, his eyes glinting dangerously—to glare at an ebony haired with dark blue eyes, who sat on an (emerald) cushioned chair, rocking back and forth, cuddling a Harry Potter plushie to his chest and stoking its hair soothingly.

"----Tom Marvollo Riddle! _I Am Lord Voldemort_, ha! What kind of Dark Lord fears **_anything_**! I thought you were supposed to be Slytherin's Heir! Thought you were supposed to be invincible, if all the shit you spout is anything to go by. But what happens? You cower at the face of war! Well! I am not going to marry a _gutless wimp, so get the fuck up_ or _you ain't_ _getting any_!"

Harry hissed out. Voldemort's dark eyes snapped up, smoldering both with anger at his Harry's words (and anger at the fact that they were right), and fear from not 'getting any' from his Harry (right after he bought a new bed, to! A bouncy one...ha ha...nosebleed).

Ignoring the now determined looks he was receiving, he turned to the crowed who was now silent, glaring at them all challengingly, raising his wand in a clenched fist.

"Well, whose with me!? Will you fight, or will you fall with like cowards!?"

He demanded. He was meet with a large roar as the entire room snapped to their feet, wands raised and eyes glinting with rage and determination just as the door opened, revealing Nymphadora Olivia Tonks who beamed proudly, holding up a pot with what looked like puke, rotten vegetables, and a rotting skunk all mixed together with an excrement sauce, holding it up to them with a large proud grin on her slightly flushed face.

"Hey guys, dinner ready! I made it myself!"

…......

A tense silence hung in the air, many grim and horror filled faces turned to each other, each wondering if they were all going to die. Each wondering if this would be their last moments of freedom, their last moments with their loved ones.

Women cried silently, hugging their children protectively, and children out right screamed and bawled with terror. Grimm faced men held their loved ones close.

And once again, Hermione Jane Granger, Ron Billius Weaselly, Ginevra Molly Weaselly, Frederik Gregory and Gregory Frederik Weaselly found themselves wishing they weren't part of the order. Inwardly betraying themselves, they sat stiffly, wishing they had listened to Molly Rose Weaselly when she said they were to young to join the Order of the Phoenix.

Remus J. Lupin hung is head in shame....this was all his fault...why did he have to bring that subject up again? Why did he have to ask Nymphadora Olivia Tonks to cook dinner for the order, why didn't he lie when she asked why Molly wasn't going to cook.

**_WHY!_**

Sirius Regulus Black looked ready to jump off a cliff, as did many, though he sent his best friend and husband an understanding look.

And Harry James Potter fainted into Voldemort's arms, who than apparated away, both his Harry's tugged firmly in his arms.

Tonks blinked.

"Whats there problem."

She mumbled before shrugging and happily plopping her 'gorgeous' creation onto everyone's plates, humming to herself happily.

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The next day, Lucius Malfoy held set up an 'Obliviate-ing booth and Obliviated everyone who had to endure Tonks's cooking, before Obliviate-ing himself, not wanting to remember walking on his Lord's threesome (Plushie!Harry on Voldemort on Harry).

And House Elves were, from than on, treated like Queens and Kings and Tonks was forbidden from ever entering a kitchen, or attempting to cook again.

_

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The End

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_Wow, that was pretty weired. _

_It was fun to write though. Hope you liked it! _


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